Yep, very. <3
I got asked a few times about the ring that I was talking about in a previous post. Here’s a picture of it. It was/is supposed to be like a promise ring.
Well, I haven’t posted anything in a week or more, so I figured I’d post something; not to mention I feel like venting, so that’s what this is going to be.
It’s been a hell of a week. I had an appointment with both my psychiatrist and my regular doctor last week. My psychiatrist finally decided to change my medicine because I’ve been having some crazy mood swings and the other stuff I was taking wasn’t helping me anymore at all. Then a problem came about when my medicine was changed, my insurance decided that they won’t pay for my medicine, so now I’m having to take doctor samples. When I went to see my regular doctor she wrote something up about getting a sleep study done, which she was supposed to do before then. Anyway, I still haven’t heard anything from anyone about the sleep study. I also got a flu shot while I was there, I figured it couldn’t hurt. She had the results of my blood tests back and everything was fine with it, so that was good.
My mom was driving to visit a friend this past weekend and her car ended up breaking down on her. She was about 2 1/2 hours away from home when it happened. It pretty much scared me because we’re broke and it’s going to be a while before we have any money again and I wasn’t sure what was going to happen or how she’d get back home. The person that she was going to see only lived about 30 minutes away from where she broke down, so she ended up staying the night at their place. I only had $8 left and I wasn’t sure if my car would make it to where she was, but I was going to try it anyway. I used the $8 to put some more gas in my car so when I left to go get her, I had right around 3/4 of a tank of gas. That was a long, boring, lonely drive. It was actually the farthest that I’ve ever drove away from home. I always wanted to drive up to St. Louis to hang out and go to the stores and things up there, but my dad always told me that I couldn’t, that I wouldn’t be able to; well, I didn’t drive to St. Louis, but I did drive quite a ways from home, so I believe that what he was telling me was just another of his lies to keep me from doing anything. Anyway, my car actually made it to where she was. I drove nonstop until I got there. Her car’s still there and she’s having her friend to keep an eye on it until we can figure out what to do. So far, from what we’ve heard/been told, it’s probably going to cost $450+ to fix it and a big part of that would be the cost of having it towed to a repair shop because it won’t start so it will have to be towed.
On the way to pick my mom up, my car started making another funny noise (it was already making a noise), it kind of made me paranoid, but at least it made it down there an back. Well, the last few times since then that I drove my car, it sounded like the noise was getting louder/worse. Today my mom and I were driving in my car and I stopped to make a left turn. When I stopped, my car started making a beeping noise and then at least one light (that wasn’t on before) came on in the dash. I pulled into the parking lot of where we were going and I shut my car off while my mom went inside, when she came back outside I tried to start my car, but it wouldn’t start. We ended up having to call my older sister to see if she could pick my mom up so she could come here to our house and get my brother’s truck and bring it over to where my car and I were and try to jump start it. Well, instead of doing that, my sister jump started it with her car and then she said that she’d follow us home to make sure that we made it. I drove it a little ways down the road from where we were at, then it just died in the middle of the road while I was driving it. Thankfully there was a man outside that asked if we needed help and my mom told him that my car just died in the middle of the road and wouldn’t start, so he ran inside and got his brother, then they came and pushed my car off the side of the road so it would be out of the way because it was on a main street and it was pretty busy. If it wasn’t for those two men, it’s hard telling how long we would’ve been sitting there or if we would’ve gotten hit. My sister was a little ways behind us, but then she pulled up to where my car was after it stopped from being pushed off the road and she jump started it again and this time we let it run with the jumper cables on it a little while longer. As soon as the jumper cables were taken off of it, the lights dimmed. I took off driving it from there and it almost died a few times. When I got closer to home I started taking a side street so I wouldn’t have as many stop signs and people to try to avoid. Anytime I went to stop my car for a stop sign, it would almost die right there. Luckily when taking the side street, there wasn’t any cars/people to avoid so I was able to drive it the rest of the way home before it died again. So now it’s sitting outside our house, broken down. The gauges on the dash kept going crazy and the lights kept turning on and off. We think it might be the alternator, but I don’t know. If it is the alternator, it’s going to cost $150+ to fix and I don’t have the money so I have no idea what I’m going to do.
Now the only vehicle we have is my brother’s truck because he’s away right now and if anything happens to that, then we are just completely screwed.
Also, I somehow managed to get an eye infection. I don’t know if it’s just a regular eye infection or pink eye, but it’s annoying. It seems like it’s been clearing up a little the past few days, but I’m not completely sure. I hope it goes away soon though.
Some holiday this is turning out to be. I’m supposed to be thankful, how can I be when everything keeps going wrong? Nothing ever seems to get any better, it just seems to be getting worse and trying to stay positive when all this keeps happening isn’t easy at all.
Now that I’ve said all the bad, I can talk about the one reason why I’m happy, even if I’m only a little happy right now.
My buddy came over to see me Monday. It made me so happy to get to see him, even with all the bad stuff going on. We ended up sitting around watching tv. We watched Romeo and Juliet and then a Mr. Bean movie, it was fun. To my surprise, he ended up staying the night and we cuddled; it made me so happy. I love the feeling I get when he has his arm around me, it makes me feel so wanted and safe. It’s like no matter what happens, as long as he’s there, I know I’ll be alright. It was nice waking up next to someone and feeling wanted and being happy for a change. Sometimes I’m not the cuddling type, but with him it’s different. He looked so cute when he was sleeping, like an angel, my angel. He makes me feel amazing, especially when I’m around him. Just the thought of him makes me smile and feel so happy. He is the main thing that I am thankful for this Thanksgiving. I am so thankful to have him in my life and to get to spend time with him. He’s such an amazing person. He’s changed my life for the better and I’m thankful for that. <3
Well, today’s been another one of those days where I’ve been home alone all day; of course that means that I’ve been thinking about things way more than I should.
It’s been raining most of the day, which normally I would like the rain, but today it’s just made me feel kind of down. I’m not even sure why I’ve been in a bad mood today, I just have been since I woke up pretty much; I feel like I’ve been on the verge of tears all day.
I was sitting here earlier and I was kind of bored, so I started looking through some of my stuff earlier and I found the ring that I bought when I was with my ex, I’ve never wore it though because he broke up with me a day or two before I actually got it. It’s nothing expensive, just a silver band with the words ‘I love you’ engraved on it. I almost cried when I saw it because I started remembering things from that relationship and the hurt I felt when it was over, but I didn’t cry because then I got to thinking that if all of that wouldn’t have happened, things probably wouldn’t be the way they are right now and I’m actually a lot happier now than I ever was back then. I’m not sure what I’m going to do with the ring though, right now it’s just sitting in a box.
Anyway, time to stop talking about depressing things.
I had an awesome time yesterday/early this morning, it was so much fun. My buddy came over and surprised me. It was funny and I was shocked for a long time because he told me he was at work on his lunch break so I wasn’t expecting him to walk in the front door, but that’s what happened, and he recorded my reaction. lol. I didn’t have much of a reaction, but it was still funny.
I still feel bad though because I kind of messed up his plans. :( When he first came over, I was at the store with my mom, then before we came home she bought me something to eat because I was starving, well, that ended up messing up his plan because he was wanting to take me to get Chinese food. I felt so bad whenever he told me and I still feel so bad about it. That’s the reason why no one ever tries to surprise me, I always end up messing things up.
I did have a lot of fun though. Sometimes it’s funny how easily I can be made happy, just sitting on the couch watching movies/tv with him makes me so happy. I used to get annoyed whenever I was with my exes and all they wanted to do was sit and watch tv, but when I’m with him, it doesn’t bother me at all, I’m just so happy to get to spend time with him.
I’m glad he’s so understanding and accepting of me. I’m still trying to get used to the fact that I don’t have to be scared/nervous when I want to tell him something because he won’t judge me like most people do. I’m just used to being judged or treated differently whenever I tell people some things, but with him, he doesn’t do that.
My feelings for him keep getting stronger, every time I talk to/see him my heart starts pounding and skipping beats and I get butterflies in my stomach. It’s weird sometimes, but I like it. I think that since I had feelings for him before, it’s just made things even stronger, I like it though. I have no complaints about anything except that I let an idiot come between us before. Everything happens for a reason, or at least that’s what I believe, so I wouldn’t change anything about what’s happened because if something would’ve happened differently, I probably wouldn’t be where I am today or as happy as I am today.
I think if it wasn’t for him, I’d probably be lost right now and it’s hard telling what my life would be like.